Why can't I love you?
by forever and always007
Summary: Before Emily moved in with the Marins everything was fine, well except from A, but when she moves in things start to become weird, feelings start to become weird. suck at summarys but give it ago. i'm setting it in season 2 and slightly AUish. T for now but may go up in later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

**Hi, ok so for anyone who has read my other fic, I'm sorry but I wont be continuing with it, it went in a direction I didn't want it to go in and I lost the spirit to write it. I'll put a little thing on there to explain everything. To those of you who are new to me...Hi! it's been a couple of years since I've written but I've started getting back into it and I like this ship, I think they have good chemistry. so I'm setting this fic in season 2 when Emily moves in with the Marins, so forgive me if my details are slightly off because I haven't watched this season in quite a while, but it's mostly going to be AUish like in the same universe but not on plot to what the show is kind of, I don't know i'm rambling a bit I know. but A's still there everything is the same i'm just taking it off plot. i'll stop rambling now and let you get on with reading. One more thing, I am English so i'm not entirely sure about the school system and stuff so bare with**

 **anyway hope you like it and please do review to tell me you like because I wont carry on otherwise.**

 **Chapter one**

* * *

Emily's p.o.v

I woke up to the sound of my alarm. It was a new day and I had convinced myself my feelings for Ashley Marin were gone… 100% totally gone. I knew that I couldn't feel that way towards her, she was my best friend's mom for God's sake. So yes, my feelings were gone…except they weren't, I knew, that as soon as I walked down the stairs and saw her all of these feelings would slap me right in the face and I hated myself for that.

I looked over at Hanna who was still sleeping. If she didn't get up soon we would be late for school. So I grabbed one of my pillows and threw it at her.

"Hmmm ow, what was that for?!" Hanna said sleepily

"Come on, you need to get up or we'll be late for school" I said as got up to get dressed.

"Aww 5 more minutes, it won't hurt if we're a little late will it?" she moaned sleepily

I chuckled slightly, ever since I have been staying here Hanna and I always have this argument in the morning…she's not exactly a morning person.

"Come on sleepy head, if you get up know I'll make you pancakes."

As soon as I said pancakes she shot up out of bed, "yep ok I'm up."

I chuckled again "Ok you go have a shower and get dressed and I'll have the pancakes ready for you when you come down."

"loooove you Em!" she yelled as I left the room. I smiled to myself as I got to the kitchen.

I had just finished flipping the last pancake when I heard footsteps coming down from the stairs, thinking it was Hanna I called out "Hey Han, do you want chocolate sauce or maple syrup on your pancakes?"

"Owh I wish I had time for pancakes!"

As soon as I heard her voice my tummy did a little backflip, I didn't want to turn around because I didn't want to acknowledge my feelings but of course I had to. Why did I have to feel like this? I remembered back to when I wasn't living at the Marins, things were simpler then, I just saw Ashley as Hanna's mom, I mean I had always found her attractive, you'd have to be blind to not see that, but that's all it was. I found loads of women attractive. But then I started living here and at first it was alright but then as time went on I found myself feeling more and more for her and it freaked me out…it's not like I could tell any of the girls about it, especially Hanna, she would hate me forever. I tried to deny it but it was useless… _I'm_ useless for having these stupid feelings.

"Ohh they do smell delicious; you might have to save some for me" Ashley said bringing me out of my thoughts. I flipped the pancake one last time then put it on the plate with the others and finally turned round. As soon as I did my heart started beating fast and I could barely speak.

I finally found the strength to smile at her and say "well I'll try but it might be hard convincing Hanna of that" smiling as I said it.

She giggled at that, and oh god her laugh was like a patch of blue sky on a cloudy day, it almost made me melt right there and then.

"yes that's a good point...I might have to start getting up earlier then if I'm to beat Hanna to them" she joked.

I laughed "yeah you will."

"Anyway I better get going, can't be late for work" she said as she picked up her bag and headed for the door. Just as she got to the door Hanna came down.

"Bye girls see you tonight" Ashley said as she opened the door.

"Bye mom"

"bye Ms Marin"

Hanna and I said together.

As soon as Ashley shut the door Hanna came into the kitchen "right where's my pancakes?"

I looked at her amused. I loved Hanna, always the one to make us laugh even without intending to, she was my best friend and that's why I felt so guilty for having these feeling for her mom.

"you know; I think my mom likes you as a daughter more than me" Hanna joked as she tucked in to her pancakes "oh and can you get me some maple syrup please" she added on.

I cringed at that, I didn't want Ashley to see me as a daughter but of course she would, I'm her daughters best friend, staying in their house and I was the same age as her daughter…but if I didn't want her to see me as a daughter, what did I want her to see me as? A friend? Something more? I don't know. And anyway I couldn't be thinking that, I should be pleased that she does see me as her daughter but it still doesn't sit well in my stomach.

"Haha well we all know that's not true" I said while forcing a laugh. I was terrible at hiding my feelings from my friends, which is ironic as I hid my sexuality for so long, but now that I'm out and all that we have been through together, I find it hard, but this…this I had to keep in, and not only around them, I have to be careful everywhere, If A finds out this secret, I'm screwed, but fuck was it hard.

"I'm serious Em, I think she wants to adopt you, she's constantly saying 'you should do this because Emily does it' 'you should be more like Emily' err 'Emily this Emily that'" she jokes, trying to do an impression of her mother. I smiled at the thought that she talked about me a lot, even though It was in a different way than I want, it still made me feel warm and fuzzy inside.

"Oh stop your mom loves you, now come on we need to get to school, Aria and Spencer will be waiting for us" I said trying to change the subject. I could feel a blush trying to creep up my face but I pushed it down.

"Hey Em, have you heard anything from A lately?" Hanna said, suddenly very serious. I froze, oh shit, A's said something to her, SHIT, I'm screwed.

"Umm n-no w-why? have you?" I said trying to sound as calm as I could.

"Hmm no neither have I, I wonder if Spence or Aria have, It's just weird that we haven't anything from A in a while I'm starting to get worried, I'm starting to get that silence from A is worse than getting regular texts"

"Hmm yeah that is weird, let's ask Spence and Aria, let's just hope A is just taking a break and not plotting something big" I said relieved that it wasn't what I had feared, but Hanna was right, it was strange that we haven't heard from A in a while, I tried to think back to a time when we weren't watching out for A, afraid of their every move…those where happier times…times when Ali was around.

 _It was a summers evening, me and Ali where sat on her bed attempting to do some homework._

" _Em, this is boorring can we do something else? Alison huffed, closing her textbook and coming closer to me._

" _It is boring but we need to do it, it's due in tomorrow and I don't wanna get another detention because of you" I joked_

" _Hmm you're no fun" she said opening her textbook up again "but if you're gonna force me to do homework I'm gonna have to do this…" and before I could ask what she meant, a pillow hit me right in the face._

 _I glared at her "ohh I'm so getting you back for that" and I threw a pillow at her and laughed._

"Come on, let's get to school" Hanna said bringing me back out of my memory.

"yeah your right, lets go."


	2. Chapter 2

**So I posted this chapter earlier than I normally would because I'm off school for a few days but I'm thinking normally I will update weekly but that may change because I'm in year 11 and I'm in the process of revising for my GCSEs and applying for post 16 but it'll update you with that. . I'm also gonna tell you know this has fic is gonna a lot more Emison that I originally thought so you have been warned! I kinda have an idea where this story is going but I'm still working on it so bare with.**

 **I also just wanna say thank you to everyone who has followed and favorited this story but PLEASE REVIEW!  I'd like to get your thoughts on it and also its just really nice to hear that people are enjoying my story because it gives me motivation to carry this story on! so please review! anyway I'll let you get on with reading.**

 **Chapter one**

* * *

Emilys p.o.v

As we got into school we saw Aria and Spencer waiting for us. Ever since A started tormenting, it's been difficult on us but it's somehow brought all of us closer. After Ali's death we kind of grew apart…her death, it was hard on us, she was the queen bee, the glue that held us all together. For me she was something more than that…she was my first love, she was my everything. I thought I would never get over her death, never get over her. And really I don't think I ever will. I use to always dream that Ali hadn't died and what our lives would be like if she was still here, our lives would be so different, I would dream a life without A, where we were normal teenagers just trying to pass through high school, and our biggest worries were worrying about homework and what dress to wear to homecoming instead of worrying about our lives and being tortured. I would dream that me and Ali ran away to Paris like we said we would and we would own a small apartment looking over the Eiffel Tower. We would have a dog called pickles and everything would be bliss…but then I would wake up and reality would come crashing down, Ali was dead and we were being tormented by a mystery person called A. Then I started living at the Marins house and my dreams became less and less about Ali and more and more about Ashley. I can't pin point when exactly I started having these feelings but I know they were growing stronger and stronger which terrified me, I hadn't felt this strongly about someone since Ali and I didn't know what to do with that. I knew I couldn't…shouldn't have these feelings, I defiantly knew I couldn't do anything about them, and anyway even if I wanted to do something about them, they wouldn't be returned. So I was stuck in a spiralling hole, digging myself deeper and deeper into it.

"...Em what do you think?" Spencer asked me bringing me out of my thoughts.

"Hmm uhh what?" I asked dazed, I hadn't heard a single thing they were talking about.

"I asked you what you thought of the fact that A hasn't been in touch with any of us for a while, don't you think it's a little suspicious?" Spencer explained.

"Oh right yeah, totally suspicious yeah, I mean they must be up to something right?" I asked trying to hide the fact I had been completely in my own thoughts just a second ago, thinking about Ashley, Hanna's mom non the less.

"Hey Em, you okay? You haven't been yourself lately, is everything ok with Samara?" Aria asked.

Truth be told I hadn't actually thought about samara in a while, we had a brief thing, at the beginning of it I thought it was going okay, she was a nice enough girl but then I started getting these fucking feelings for Ashley and then she all I could think of and being with Samara just felt wrong. So I ended it with her explain the situation, excluding who it actual was, and she surprisingly very understanding, leaving things on a positive note. But of course I haven't told anyone about that, it would bring up too many questions that I just couldn't answer. So everyone thinks that we are still going out, which I should probably change but not right now.

"Oh right yeah I'm okay, haven't been sleeping very well, thanks to this one!" I joked pointing to Hanna.

"HEY! I'm not that bad!" Hanna defended as she pouted whilst Aria and Spencer laughed.

"yes you are! You snore and sleep talk!" I laughed, glad that I was able to distract my friends but feeling a bit guilty that I hadn't told them the truth.

"Oh whatever, let's get to class." Hanna huffed while walking away. Me spencer and Aria chasing after her.

"Come on Han tell us what sort of stuff you say while you sleep?" Spencer said.

* * *

 _It was a Saturday, Me and Alison were lying on my bed watching some movie. It came to a scene where two girls were kissing. I started to feel uncomfortable. I had just started to realise my feelings for Ali was still feeling weird about it._

" _Hey Em have you ever thought about doing that?" Alison asked._

" _Doing what?" I asked her knowing full well what she was talking about._

" _You know kissing a girl, have you ever thought about doing that?" She asked again._

 _In reality I have thought about it a lot, like way too much, thought about it, dreamt about it, day dreamed about it. "Um no not really, why have you?" I answered._

 _She looked at me and oh God, the way she is looking at me, I could die right there._

" _Yeah, I have actually, I've always wondered if girl's lips are different, or if they kiss differently, haven't you?"_

" _Umm w-well I-I…" and just as I was about to make a complete fool out of myself, she leaned in and kissed me, I froze for a second but then my brain started working and I kissed her back. It was slow and chaste but it felt amazing and I didn't want to stop kissing her but eventually breathing became a problem and I pulled away. I rested my forehead against hers and smiled._

" _Yes, all the time." I replied to her earlier question._

* * *

It was lunch and we were all gathered round a table talking about our new theories about A. Sometimes I do wish that we could stop talking about A and talk about something normal for once. It just got too much sometimes and I just wanted a normal life, talking about normal things sometimes. Just as Hanna was about to say something Mr Fitz walked by, who smiled at Aria, who blushed.

"Aria how's it going with Mr Fitz?" I asked trying to change the subject away from A.

Aria blushed "it's going really well; he's finally got round to the idea that you guys know about us." She explained.

"That's good I was scared he was gonna freak on you and end it or something and then we'd have to go and beat him up!" Hanna said. We all laughed at that.

"I'm serious, if any guy, or girl tries to mess with any of you guys, they will get a beating."

"Agreed, we stick together" Spencer said

"Agreed" we all said together.

"Oh that reminds me, Em I'm going out with Caleb tonight so you'll be in the house on your own, oh my mom will be there sorry." Hanna told me. I took a big gulp; I was going to be alone with Ashley. I was freaking out; this can't be happening. Hanna can't be doing this to me. Fuck. Okay okay, I'll just lock myself up in mine and Hanna's room.

"Oh ok, yeah that's fine I've got a ton of homework to do anyways." I lied.

"Oh good, can you tell my mom I'll be back by 11?" she asked.

"yeah sure course." I said.

* * *

When I got home, Ashley wasn't in, I gave a sigh of relief, maybe she's out for the night. I went upstairs to Hanna's room, got my computer and started surfing the internet. When did things get so complicated that I got so scared of being around Ashley, she's nothing more than Hanna's mom, at least that's what I try and tell myself but my deep dark thoughts think very differently.

A couple hours later I hear the door shut and I freeze, oh God she's back. It's cool I'll just stay up in my room. I spoke too soon.

"HANNA? EMILY?" Ashley called up. I had to go down stairs now, I couldn't exactly ignore her. So I got up from my bed and went down stairs. I got halfway down the stairs when I saw her, my tummy did a double flip and my heart sped up. She looked over at me and smiled. "Oh hey Emily, thought I was home alone, where's Hanna?" She asked.

I gulped trying to collect my words. "Nope, Hanna's out with Caleb for the night she asked me to tell you that she'll be back by 11, so you're stuck with me tonight." I forced out barley finishing the sentence.

She laughed and said "I don't think I'd ever be stuck with you Emily, you're good company." I tried to hide my blush but I could feel it glowing on my face.

"Oh um thanks" I said. I tried not to think too much into it, I mean oh course she would say I'm good company, it doesn't mean anything more than it was. But when I looked at her and she was there smiling back at me with her long, silky, red hair and her smart job suit, I can't help but wish it meant so much more.

"Hey, if it's not too lame, I have a spare frozen meal if you'd like to keep me company?" Ashley asked. There was a part of me that really didn't want to but a part of me _really_ did but that part of me feels guilty because it would mean more to me than it would to her and having _those_ thoughts and feeling and then I remembered Hanna and oh God Hanna but my mouth seemed to speak for me.

"Oh yeah sure, I had nothing to do anyway." I smiled as I said it and she smiled back at me.

Oh God this was going to be a long night.


End file.
